MAJOR Changes Coming to Bethel

In light of recent feedback, Bethel is going to be making a few changes to our current worship services. We’ve been interviewing recent visitors and want to meet the needs of our community in a more meaningful way. Beginning Easter Sunday, we will be making the following changes…

• We will begin displaying the Ten Commandments on our screen, and next to each commandment, the names of church members who have knowingly disobeyed them during the previous week.
• At the conclusion of the early services, we’ll be offering pet blessings. Bring Fido to Pastor Brandon, and he’ll sprinkle them with anointing pet shampoo and pray a prayer of prosperity over each of them. We’ll also paws for reflection.
• We’re launching a project to re-paint the auditorium and main hallways the same color that Terri Chadd has chosen for the offices. Justin Williams will be in charge of finding gallons of the purple/plum paint for $4 each. Any complaints… see Terri or Justin.
• We’ll be phasing out ushers in exchange for an ATM-like tithing machine in the south lobby. Bring your bank card, or have your tithe automatically debited each month.
• The Senior Adult Class will begin a new practical study series on “underwater basket weaving.”
• The Easter Egg hunt will be more challenging this year. We’ll have six angry pit bulls to chase the kids who run, but we’ll also have Deacons on the roof with tranquilizer dart rifles… they’re working on their aim as we speak.
• We’re removing the organ and piano in exchange for two drum sets, adding colored lights, a fog machine, and a rotating crystal ball that will descend from the ceiling during the second song.
• We’re foregoing church softball this year and in its place we’ll host an entire season of the Ultimate Fighting Champions… Deacon edition. Randy is a trained boxer so he’ll be handcuffed to make it fair.
• Each time we’ve printed a member directory, we’ve managed to accidentally leave out a few people, so we’ll be printing a new directory that includes every person who is a member of Bethel, along with every person who is not a member of Bethel… everywhere. Just in case.
• Many people have gotten just a little bit burned out on Pastor Brandon’s “through the Bible” sermon series, so for the month of May, he’ll be choosing a different book to preach from each week, all selected from Oprah’s Book Club with a finale sermon coming from Dr. Suess’ The Cat In the Hat.

Any feedback may be directed to Angie Cox, LCSW, who can now perform therapy unsupervised.

Oh, and happy April 1st. ;-)