First know this – I’m not going to judge you for clicking the link to read this article. In fact, if you have any desire whatsoever to kick a llama in the neck, reaching out for help is probably a good early step toward recovery from your obvious problem… but again, I don’t judge you. I’m just glad you came here.

Now, I know that you might be asking the obvious: why would anyone have any particular bent toward llama-kicking? There’s a great lesson to be learned here… it’s better that some questions just remain unanswered. So without further delay, if you’re going to kick a llama in the neck…

(more…)

A church member just sent this joke to me. I rarely post things from my inbox but I laughed my head off at this…

(more…)

I used to work with my Dad, who does everything under the sun that can fit under the description of a contractor. I enjoyed the time and we had some laughs along the way about goof ups, but we never did anything quite this stupid! He sent me these in an email recently.

(If I’ve broken any copyright laws, let me know. I have no idea of the source.)

If the moral of this story is “don’t goof up!,” perhaps the follow-up should be, Jesus died for the most heinous goof-ups we could ever commit. Thank God His grace covers our sins!

No, this is not a post about the loss of our religious freedom – it’s a reflection on a quote I’ve looked at many times since I first wrote it down about nine years ago at a conference on preaching…

If you think the gathering of biblical facts and standing up with a Bible in your hand will automatically equip you to communicate well, you are desperately mistaken. It will not. You must work at being interesting. Boredom is a gross violation, being dull is a grave offense, and irrelevance is a disgrace to the gospel. Too often these three crimes go unpunished and we preachers are the criminals. ~ Charles Swindoll

(more…)

So yesterday my daughter had a field trip to one of our city parks. I had planned on meeting her there to do all that fun “Daddy stuff” Dads do, like push their kid in a swing or push them down a slide (gently, of course). Instead, I was presented with an interesting problem…

Ella had buried her shoe! That’s right, just for the fun of it, she had buried both of them in the sand in two different places. An hour and a half before I showed up, teachers and kids were searching in vain for the lost shoe.

(more…)

My last blog post was quite serious, from the heart. Lest anyone think I’ve lost my sense of humor, I just had to pass along this totally awesome video. The only thing spiritual I can say is, wow, God certainly gifts us all uniquely. Watch, and pass along…

I figured somebody out there needs a Monday morning “belly laugh.” Well, this is one of my favorite sources. I laugh every time! Kudos to Citi for one of the best commercials ever!

In light of recent feedback, Bethel is going to be making a few changes to our current worship services. We’ve been interviewing recent visitors and want to meet the needs of our community in a more meaningful way. Beginning Easter Sunday, we will be making the following changes…

• We will begin displaying the Ten Commandments on our screen, and next to each commandment, the names of church members who have knowingly disobeyed them during the previous week.
• At the conclusion of the early services, we’ll be offering pet blessings. Bring Fido to Pastor Brandon, and he’ll sprinkle them with anointing pet shampoo and pray a prayer of prosperity over each of them. We’ll also paws for reflection.
• We’re launching a project to re-paint the auditorium and main hallways the same color that Terri Chadd has chosen for the offices. Justin Williams will be in charge of finding gallons of the purple/plum paint for $4 each. Any complaints… see Terri or Justin.
• We’ll be phasing out ushers in exchange for an ATM-like tithing machine in the south lobby. Bring your bank card, or have your tithe automatically debited each month.
• The Senior Adult Class will begin a new practical study series on “underwater basket weaving.”
• The Easter Egg hunt will be more challenging this year. We’ll have six angry pit bulls to chase the kids who run, but we’ll also have Deacons on the roof with tranquilizer dart rifles… they’re working on their aim as we speak.
• We’re removing the organ and piano in exchange for two drum sets, adding colored lights, a fog machine, and a rotating crystal ball that will descend from the ceiling during the second song.
• We’re foregoing church softball this year and in its place we’ll host an entire season of the Ultimate Fighting Champions… Deacon edition. Randy is a trained boxer so he’ll be handcuffed to make it fair.
• Each time we’ve printed a member directory, we’ve managed to accidentally leave out a few people, so we’ll be printing a new directory that includes every person who is a member of Bethel, along with every person who is not a member of Bethel… everywhere. Just in case.
• Many people have gotten just a little bit burned out on Pastor Brandon’s “through the Bible” sermon series, so for the month of May, he’ll be choosing a different book to preach from each week, all selected from Oprah’s Book Club with a finale sermon coming from Dr. Suess’ The Cat In the Hat.

Any feedback may be directed to Angie Cox, LCSW, who can now perform therapy unsupervised.

Oh, and happy April 1st. ;-)

My wife sent this to me – not sure where it came from, but had to share so somebody else might have a good Monday morning belly laugh…

1. At Lunch Time, Sit In Your Parked Car With Sunglasses on and point a Hair Dryer At Passing Cars. See If They Slow Down.
2. Page Yourself Over The Intercom. Don’t Disguise Your Voice.
3. Every Time Someone Asks You To Do Something, Ask If They Want Fries with that.
4. Put Your Garbage Can On Your Desk And Label It “In-Box.”
5. Put Decaf In The Coffee Maker For 3 Weeks. Once Everyone has Gotten Over Their Caffeine Addictions, Switch to Espresso.
6. In The Memo Field Of All Your Checks, Write “For Smuggling Diamonds.”
7. Finish All Your sentences with “In Accordance With The Prophecy.”
8. Dont use any punctuation
9. As Often As Possible, Skip Rather Than Walk.
10. Order a Diet Water whenever you go out to eat, with a serious face.
11. Specify That Your Drive-through Order Is “To Go.”
12. Sing Along At The Opera.
13. Go To A Poetry Recital And Ask Why The Poems Don’t Rhyme.
14. Put Mosquito Netting Around Your Work Area And Play tropical Sounds All Day.
15. Five Days In Advance, Tell Your Friends You Can’t Attend Their Party Because You’re Not In The Mood.
16. Have Your Co-workers Address You By Your Wrestling Name, Rock Bottom.
17. When The Money Comes Out The ATM, Scream “I Won!, I Won!”
18. When Leaving The Zoo, Start Running Towards The Parking lot,Yelling “Run For Your Lives, They’re Loose!!”
19. Tell Your Children Over Dinner. “Due To The Economy, We Are Going To Have To Let One Of You Go.”
20. And The Final Way To Keep A Healthy Level Of Insanity…

photo credit: LizzieKue

I rarely pass along jokes sent by email, but I really thought this one was pretty good…

BUBBA AT A REVIVAL

Bubba goes to the revival and listens to the preacher. After a while, the preacher asks anyone with needs to come forward and be prayed over.

Bubba gets in line. When it’s his turn the preacher says, ” Bubba, what you want me to pray about?”

Bubba says, “Preacher, I need you to pray for my hearing.”

So the preacher puts one finger in Bubba’s ear and the other hand on top of his head and prays a while. After a few minutes, he removes his hands and says, “Bubba how’s your hearing now?”

Bubba says, “I don’t know preacher, it’s not until next Wednesday in Raleigh.”

…

No offense to all you “Bubba’s” out there!