Are you happily married? If you’re smart (and you’ve been married more than two years), you’ll realize that’s a question that depends on how things are going in the moment. Am I happily married? I am today – not sure about tomorrow. But I am securely and joyfully married.
Just a review…
Truth #1: It’s Not About Me!
Truth #2: We Should Speak the Truth in Love
In America, we have an incredibly individualistic focus. We tend to fix our gaze on the achievements of the one, whereas ancient and more remote cultures tend to focus on the larger family unit. Because of our individual mindset, we miss out the depth of meaning in this phrase from Ephesians 4:25, “…we are members one of another.” So here is the third truth in our series of relationship principles for life…
Here’s a link to the whole series.
Last week I wrote about the first of several relationship principles for life and that was It’s Not About Me. Today I’m moving into Ephesians 4 for the next several principles for relationships.
When I was a kid, I can remember having occasional “family meetings” in which Mom and Dad (who usually, at this point, had “had it”) would sit us down and lay down some “new rules.” Generally this mean no more eating in the living room or leaving half-drunk soda cans lying around. We made it as much of a challenge as possible for these rules to stick, and eventually life would return to normal. I know… we reap what we sow…
Here’s a major lesson that this illustrates. Rules are an ineffective means for managing relationships. In other words, you can’t force someone to obey, love, or respond sensitively by use of a rule. You can, however, convey principles that become a part of our core, that drive our moment-by-moment decisions. For example, setting a rule of “no smarting off to your brother” probably won’t last, but establishing the principle that “we respect our siblings” is a principle that can be learned and applied to a variety of situations over the long haul.
This past week I was privileged to hear Dr. H. B. London, who always speaks right to my heart. He related a conversation he had with Henry Blackaby about the significant turning point in Blackaby’s spiritual life. It was the time God basically said to him, “You’re not going to rush me anymore.” From that point on, Blackaby decided to simply give to God whatever time God wanted each day.
Today, I heard the words of the apostle Paul in writing to the Thessalonians…
When I was in high school, dating was popular. Okay, it’s always been popular. I dated… or at least I went on a few dates. There arose here and there those opportunities to ask a girl to go out, and I had a few first and even second and third dates here and there. But I never felt motivated to
I remember meeting Angie for the first time. We sat in a classroom full of old computers by ourselves talking (I don’t have any idea where we were supposed to be. We talked and talked. Soon we did a double-date with a couple of friends and watched the classic Cool Runnings. And that was it. She was kind of done… or so she thought.
I called her repeatedly and we would talk for great lengths of time. I somehow managed to convince her Mom and Dad I was a good guy, so her Mom’s persuasive abilities came into play as well, encouraging her daughter to “give this guy another shot.” I groveled, begged, and conned Angie into another date on January 5, 1995. The rest is history, and I’d do it all over again!! Why? She was worth pursuing, and still is.
I married a woman of excellence, and I’m proud of her. She dresses the part. She’s graceful, elegant, cute, funny, stylish, encouraging, and beautiful. She cares. She loves. She serves. She laughs. She’s awesome. I pursue her still!
Now Angie and I find ourselves immersed together in lives that are at times, busy, crazy, and hectic. We’ve been praying for a second (or more) child for over five years. We’ve been through an ectopic pregnancy and miscarriage, and surgery that we were hopeful would help the situation. Through it all, I’m so glad we get to find ourselves in each other’s arms. I would not want to live life any other way. Angie, you are so worth the chase!
People matter. Relationships matter. Family matters. Church matters. God’s forever family and His Kingdom matter a great deal more than just about anything else. The depth of life is found in our relationships.
We live in times when we’re a click away from a whole new set of “friends,” who are essentially strangers, all over the world. While this expands our missions opportunities and opens up our exposure to new cultures, it can also create a terrible disconnect between us and those who matter the most. It’s still real life, face-to-face meetings that make more of a difference than any other.
I’ve been challenged lately to break out of my shell. I often revert back to the shyness of my youth and hide out behind all of the “responsibilities” and “opportunities” that often replace what is most important. But if I want to experience life’s greatest joys (and they only exist in relationships), then I must engage the people who are waiting to be loved in my life. If I want to be obedient to God’s great commission, I need to interact with the culture around me (meaning real people). If I want to get to my grave someday in fulfillment, I need to walk in relationship to other people.
Wanna go deep with me? Then…
Real depth in our lives comes not from knowing more, reading more, or studying more. It comes from opening up, loving, and serving more!
Read This: Six Degrees of Separation Is Now Three.
My wife doesn’t believe me, but I’m fascinated by this entire concept – everybody knows everybody else. Each week, new people visit our church and almost always see someone they know, even when they’re moving here from out of town. Of course, we do live in the hometown of the world’s largest retailer. Nonetheless, it’s a fascinating study.
It’s tough sometimes to hear a clear voice on how discipleship should be defined. We always like to attach methodologies to it – “you disciple people by…” Today I read a simple, yet thorough definition of discipleship that includes all the essential elements. Tony Evans, in his devotional book Get Serious says “(Discipleship) is that process that occurs in the framework of accountable relationships in the local church, whereby Christians are progressively brought from spiritual infancy to spiritual maturity.” Continue Reading »
Today marks our tenth anniversary as a married couple. I’ve done quite a bit of reflecting back on that very special moment when we were pronounced husband and wife by my father-in-law. I showed up at the church a few hours before the wedding and it was pouring down rain. I wanted to wait until it slacked off and until I could be sure I wouldn’t see Angie a moment too early. She was inside wondering if I was re-considering!
I wasn’t re-considering, and I haven’t since. I wouldn’t trade the last ten years for anything in the world. We’ve had a precious daughter, served a couple of great churches as Pastor and wife, Angie has earned two degrees (I’m on the very long-term educational plan), and we’ve made a whole lot of great friends along the way. We’re thankful to God for the fruitfulness of these years and can’t wait to see what God has in store for the decades to come.
A marriage, when lived out biblically, is designed to show the world how much Jesus loves His church and how much they can accomplish together in the redemption of lost mankind. I wouldn’t dream of putting forth the image that we have one of those perfect, never-had-an-argument, syruppy-sappy, always romantic relationships. If you do that, nobody believes you anyway and you probably get on everyone else’s nerves. Nonetheless, I’m proud of the marriage we have. We don’t ever have to question one another’s faithfulness and commitment, and we’re slowly learning to communicate and to compliment one another in a way that glorifies God. I’m so very thankful for all God has blessed us with… to Him be the glory!
I'm a Christian, a Pastor to Bethel Baptist Church in Bentonville, Arkansas, a husband to Angie, a Dad to Ella, and I also enjoy graphic and web design. I'm a huge fan of Chick-fil-A and have a little dog named Beau!
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